Yes, it is I, sheepishly returning a year after wandering the wilderness of life and recording none of it upon The Internet.
However, as a Lady User Of The Internet, you will be pleased to know I have continued to Use The Internet, and here are some of the Uses I have had for The Internet, while Using it, as a Lady:
- Buying pretty tops from ASOS. Hating them. Never returning them.
- Hate-reading Mamamia while wondering what exactly Zoe Foster Blake and Bec Judd have over Mia Freedman to justify the endless fawning thinkpieces upon her website derived from each new instagram photo, and whether they operate as a team or individually in the assumed blackmail of Mia Freedman.
- Scrolling through the Instagram feeds of Zoe Foster Blake and Bec Judd and wishing I had nicer hair.
- Keeping silent yet unnervingly close tabs on the twitter feeds of people I know peripherally and don’t like. Dying a thousand deaths the times I’ve clicked ‘like’ while trying to open replies.
- Remembering when the Sydney Morning Herald was a serious newspaper, and not a poorly laid out version of Buzzfeed.
- Opening a clickbait Sydney Morning Herald after the above reflection, comforting myself with the knowledge that I may be a lemming, but I’m a self aware lemming at least.
- Remembering when Buzzfeed was a poorly laid out website of delightful lists, and not an attack on all which is good and innocent.
- Going online shopping, trawling a whole website over the course of an hour and filling my shopping cart with everything my cold dead heart desires. Going through my shopping cart and agonisingly narrowing down the selection so as to fit in with my budget. Leaving the page open for a few days. Closing the page. Repeating after a week.
- Furtively reading fan conspiracies about the new Gilmore Girls, and then having conversations with my friend where she offhandedly starts a sentence with “I read something somewhere about Logan which said” and thus uncovering SHE READ ALL THE FAN CONSPIRACIES TOO and we are as lonely as each other.
- Browsing the twitter feeds of people who became famous on twitter and wondering how it is I myself didn’t become famous on twitter.
- Looking up recipes every time I’m hungry, but still just buying MacDonalds on the way home from work.
So, as you can tell, my sweet dumplings, all in all a productive year.
lady user of the internet 